You Are Not Your Thoughts
When thoughts feel like facts
Our minds are busy places. Every day they produce thousands of thoughts: helpful ones, unhelpful ones,
and plenty that simply aren't true. Thoughts like "I'm not good enough" or "something bad is going to
happen" can feel like facts, especially when we're stressed or anxious.
But a thought is just a thought: words and pictures passing through the mind. When we get caught up in
our thoughts, they can start to run the show, shaping how we feel, what we do, and what we avoid.
LEARNING TO STEP BACK FROM THOUGHTS
Stepping back from your thoughts
Learning to step back from thoughts, called defusion in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), creates a little space between you and what your mind is telling you. From that space, it's easier to choose how you want to respond.
Try this. Next time an unhelpful thought shows up, add a few words in front of it:
- "I'm not good enough" becomes "I'm having the thought that I'm not good enough."
- Then try: "I notice I'm having the thought that I'm not good enough."
Notice what changes. The thought may still be there, but it often feels a little less heavy and a little less true. You're no longer in the thought; you're noticing it.
NOTICING THOUGHTS
The part of you that notices
If you're not your thoughts, then who are you? In ACT, this is sometimes called self as context, or the noticing self. It's the part of you that is aware of your thoughts, feelings and experiences, without being any one of them.
Think about it this way. Over your life, your thoughts have changed countless times. Your feelings have come and gone. Your body has grown and changed. Yet there has always been a you who was there noticing it all. That noticing part stays steady, no matter what is passing through.
The sky and the weather. One way to picture this is to think of yourself as the sky, and your thoughts and feelings as the weather. Storms roll in, clouds gather, and sometimes it rains for days. But the sky is never harmed by the weather. It simply holds it, and there is always room for it to pass. Even above the darkest clouds, the sky is still there.
A short practice. Take a slow breath and try this:
- Notice what you can hear around you.
- Notice what you can feel in your body.
- Notice what thoughts are showing up right now.
- Now notice that there's a you doing the noticing.
That part of you can observe a painful thought or a difficult feeling without being overwhelmed by it. It's a steady place you can always come back to.
LEARNING THE SKILL
Practice makes it easier
Like any new skill, stepping back from your thoughts takes practice. At first it might feel awkward or even a little silly. That's okay. The more you practise, the more natural it becomes to notice your thoughts rather than being swept along by them.
If you'd like support learning these skills, we're here to help. At Betta Days, we offer counselling for adults and children aged 9 and up, couples counselling, parenting support and anxiety programs for children and teens. If you're not sure where to start, book a free Campfire Conversation to meet us and see if we're the right fit.
The Betta Days Difference
My counselling room isn't your typical clinic. It's designed to feel more like a campfire — warm, earthy, and unhurried. There are cushions on the floor, natural textures, and space to create.
I believe healing happens best when people feel genuinely comfortable. So before we ever talk about anything hard, we talk about you — what you love, what you find funny, what makes you feel calm. We go at your pace. Always.
This approach honours TF-CBT's evidence base while making space for the whole person — not just the trauma.
Ready to take the first step?
Whether you're inquiring for yourself, your child, or someone you care about — reaching out is the hardest part, and you've already done it by being here.
